Moving away to college is something that I’ve always wanted to do but never had a plan or sense of direction. I was lost in high school, just trying to fit in. I didn’t make decisions for myself and felt helpless at times. Junior year is when I finally started to become more aware. I knew that something had to change and started putting myself first. That’s when I made the executive decision to retire from basketball, transitioning my focus on my grades and future. By the end of the year, unnecessary relationships began to fade, and I felt like I finally had a sense of direction in life.
You can’t find yourself when you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.
Just as I thought my stars were finally starting to align, life would step in to reroute me. Ultimately for the best, but it sure didn’t feel like it at the time. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, which led me to become homebound during my senior year — in turn setting back my first year of college. I spent the majority of those two years isolated at home with the only excitement of going to Ann Arbor for hospital visits. Not the best time of my life, but it gave me time to search deep within and identify my passions. On the other hand, if I started college when I was still uncertain of my identity, I may have pressured myself into pursuing a major that I would later regret, such as physical therapy. My dad got a degree in psychology without ever using it to become a pipe insulator eventually. I don’t want to make the same mistake.
After years of internally delegating with myself, I narrowed my options to business and architecture. Two fields that I genuinely enjoy and put me into a flow state. Both allow me to create, turning nothing into something. Coming up with ideas is great, but turning them into action that manifests in the real world is what drives me. With that being said, I was convinced of transferring to the University of Detroit Mercy for their architecture program. I enrolled in a free online Harvard course that confirmed architecture is a true passion of mine. I spent hours drawing designs and creating models on my iPad. As I began taking classes that go towards architecture, I started to look at the logistics of everything, the same way I did with basketball. I knew that I wouldn’t make it into the NBA while the chance of playing college ball wasn’t satisfactory, no matter what others said to me, which is why I decided to stop playing competitively and shift my focus on the future. Architecture is like a fine wine, the more experience develops higher recognition, and this requires a lifelong commitment to the art. I personally felt that this profession would consume more time than I’d prefer to achieve my desired goals.
Naturally, I prepare myself for the worse, and with my health situation, I mentally can’t wait until my mid-’30s to start building. My mission is to make a positive impact on the world now in an era that I feel needs it the most. Modern styled green building would’ve been my architectural niche, but it wasn’t meant to be. I know my future has bigger plans in store for me. Despite giving up another passion of mine, I discovered how I can make a greater impact while still implementing architecture into my life through business. From a young age, my end goal has always been to become an entrepreneur like my grandpa. However, Rome wasn’t built in one day, and things take time. As for implementing architecture into entrepreneurship, I’ll have the opportunity to design and implement green innovations for each company. I now have a destination with a roadmap on how to get there. I am pursuing a marketing degree with a focus on environmentalism and sustainability.
This realization occurred during the end of my first full academic year of community college, practically perfect timing. I knew that I wanted to transfer schools after my second year once I completed most of my prerequisite classes. I then narrowed down my selection to Michigan State University and Grand Valley State University. Both have exceptional business schools. I was accepted into both universities and felt that Michigan State would be the best route for me to take academically and for my health needs. I know this is just the beginning of something great, and I’m certain that I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for all my recent struggles. Once I selected Michigan State, I immediately had to find an off-campus apartment. Time wasn’t on my side, but I managed to secure my top choice unit. I’m also on the east side of campus, the same side as the business school!
Funny how things work out sometimes.
Knowing that I’d be away from home without a car, I had all my doctor's appointments moved up to a month before moving away. My first appointment was with my gastrointestinal doctor on July 22nd. As a precautionary, I always get my bloodwork taken during each appointment. Chronic fatigue is a constant battle I face due to low iron. Unexpectedly, my labs reported a very low 8.0 hemoglobin while normal levels for men range between 13.5 and 17.0. My doctor ordered an urgent flexible sigmoidoscopy (colonoscopy for an individual with a colon) within the next two weeks and immediately started iron infusions. I received four infusions within four weeks. The results of my flexible sigmoidoscopy would reveal an unsettling answer. “When compared to previous examinations, the findings are worsened.” Prior ulcers in my J-pouch had worsened while new ones are forming outside the J-pouch.
These new ulcers outside the pouch are a major concern because they indicate the evolution of Crohn’s disease.
Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn’s disease are essentially the same diseases; each causes ulcers to form in the digestive tract and can affect the eye and liver organs. The main difference is that Ulcerative Colitis is centralized to the colon, while Crohn’s disease affects the entire digestive tract. These ulcers were also “friable and bled just with washing,” making them the most likely source of my iron-deficiency anemia. I continued iron infusions up until four days before moving out and started a new medication on August 21st called Stelara to treat my newly diagnosed Crohn’s disease. It takes time to feel the effects, but I feel like it’s slowly helping better than any other medication I’ve tried. With just a couple of days to spare, I thought my health was straightened out in time to move out on August 24th.
Today is Saturday, and the day has finally come! I’m honestly more excited to be living on my own than attending a major university. I woke up around 5 am to finish last-minute packing and have time to get the U-Haul. After returning home with the U-Haul around 9 am, I started to frantically pack the remaining items in my closet before my friends came to help at 10:30 am. Just before they arrived, I had an unusual sudden urge to go to the bathroom. I felt normal, good actually, but I began to pool out blood. This has never happened before and I had no idea why it was happening. All I knew is that I didn’t have time for this! I continued packing as if nothing happened until an hour later when it happened again. By noon we finished packing, and it happened a third time.
That’s when I notified my mom that something was wrong.
At this point, it was occurring every hour while increasing in severity. Since I felt normal, I trusted that I could make the eighty-minute drive to my apartment while my mom followed with the U-Haul. Halfway through the drive, the taste of blood permeated throughout my mouth. I knew that I needed to go to the hospital! The plan of action changed to unload the vehicles then go straight to the hospital in Ann Arbor (another hour drive), leaving my apartment a scattered mess. We arrived at the emergency room around 6 pm. I was still pooling out blood every hour until it slowed down around 7 pm and tapered off around midnight. I was admitted into the hospital, and no one knew why this was happening.
Knowing that I’d have to stay for a couple of days, I tried to make the most out of my time at the hospital. I wasn’t attached to fluids and was free to roam wherever as I chose to meditate in the butterfly garden. I was trying to be as stress-free as possible. Since I didn’t have any books on hand, I downloaded a couple of games on my phone for the next two days and utilized the bedside meal service as much as possible. Life was throwing lemons at me, so I decided to make lemonade. Even though I was dying to set up my new apartment, this was the best hospital stay I’ve ever had. My gastrointestinal doctor was on call Monday morning and felt comfortable discharging me late afternoon since my symptoms subsided. The only thing that bothered me and still does is not knowing why this happened. I was officially treated for a Pouchitis flare and prescribed an antibiotic. This experience did give me quite a scare and reminded me how your entire life can change in an instant.
Life is like a rollercoaster. There are many ups and downs with an occasional corkscrew. The key is acknowledging that everything is temporary. Stay humble, enjoy the moment when things are good, and keep your head up during the lows because nothing lasts forever.
I arrived at my apartment Monday evening around 8 pm. During my stay at the hospital, my mom was able to get my kitchen and bathroom set up, which helped tremendously. Classes would start on Wednesday, and we still had to unpack the necessities, build IKEA furniture, get groceries, pick up textbooks, and locate my classes on campus. My mom and I were nonstop until 2 am both nights Monday and Tuesday. We managed to complete everything except the never-ending IKEA furniture!
As you can imagine, the first two weeks at my apartment were hectic with moving into a new area and getting my apartment arranged. By the third week, I felt comfortable getting around and living on my own. Overall, the first-semester transition has been pleasant. I’ve been riding my bike to get to class until it started snowing (and was stolen Thanksgiving weekend), so I take the bus now. Honestly, taking the bus isn’t as horrible as everyone thinks. I was previously averaging around 16 miles a week on my bike which has unquestionably improved my cardio. Campus life is okay, big, but nothing special. I have noticed that the university is extremely environmentally friendly, so that’s nice. I genuinely just love living by myself on my own terms. For the most part, my health has been doing better since I moved in. I had maintenance labs after the first two weeks of moving in, and my hemoglobin dropped to 8.0 again. I then increased my dissolvable iron supplement to 70mg daily, and my hemoglobin levels went back to my normal. Although my hemoglobin has gone back up, the drop means that I’m still internally bleeding at the same rate which is a concern.
Despite this concern, I know that things will work out either way. I don’t know how or why certain things happen. All I know is that I’m exactly where I need to be in life, and all my past events have led me up to this point. I’ve always conflicted with the notion that everything happens for a reason or that shit just happens, and your response is what determines your outcome. Now, I don’t waste my time trying to interpret external events. I emulate water and go with the flow.
”Empty your mind.
Be formless, shapeless, like water.
You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup.
You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle.
You put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Now water can flow or it can crash.
Be water, my friend."– Bruce Lee
Finals week turned into a whole other animal. Throughout the week my stomach pain and fatigue increased while my appetite decreased. I had my first final on December 7th, threw up on the 9th, another final on the 10th, felt very ill on the 11th, had my last final on the 12th, and threw up again on the 13th. I knew this wasn’t just from stress and could tell it was something bigger. My stomach pain spiked so badly on the 14th that I almost went to the emergency room at 3 am. FYI, I only throw up when I have a blockage or infection, basically when things are really bad! At this point, I thought that I had some type of stomach infection. Deciding to listen to my body, I didn’t work out when I wanted to and made sure to relax until I received my testing results from the doctor.
Sometimes, it truly feels like I’m the luckiest unlucky person.
Even through the chaos of finals week, there is some joyful news that coincides with the conflict. I was officially admitted into the Eli Broad College of Business on the 20th! Admission is highly competitive, but I’ve always been confident that I would get in. Sometimes you just know that certain things are going to happen, you can feel it.
“The best way to predict your future is to create it not from the known, but from the unknown. When you get uncomfortable in the place of the unknown – that’s where the magic happens.”
– Dr. Joe Dispenza
Since the 14th, I’ve been able to manage on my own until the 21st. Right off the bat, I could feel a deep blockage and decided to go to the hospital right away instead of trying to fight it off at home like I usually do. The pain easily got to a 12/10 as I eventually started to dry heave bile. My hands repeatedly clenched into a claw-like formation. I thought that it was from being dehydrated, but the doctors said it was from the pain. Either way, I felt like a paralyzed Mr. Crabs that was about to explode inside. I was admitted and received a CT scan while in the ER. The scan revealed a dilated bowel with a partial obstruction. The abnormal tilt in my pouch and architectural contortion of my small intestine was indicated as a probable cause of severe pain. In addition, all the testing results came back negative, which confirms that the obstruction has been causing issues over the past two weeks. After the obstruction passed and the doctors came to a conclusion, I was discharged on the 24th to be home with my pup for Christmas.
Experiences like these grant a new perspective and gratitude towards daily life. They provide a sense of purpose to life, narrowing your focus on what’s intuitively important. When life strikes, I always keep Amor Fati in mind. The love of fate. That one wants nothing to be different, not simply to accept it, but to love everything that happens in life.
“Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake.”
– Francis Bacon
